Story of my life (long) opinions?

Well, this is gonna take some time to get through so enjoy. I am about to be more honest with you than I am with most of my friends when I'm sober. I'll start by telling you about myself. I'm 19, I'm attending a university in CA, I'm 6'3 and 145 lbs, I'm considered a genius in math, economics, english comprehension, and reasoning, I run 3-6 miles 5 days out of every week, for the past 3 weeks I've also started to lift weights for an hour 3x every week, I am very pacifist and hard to get angry, I'm told that I have a better than average facial appearance, I'm the guy who is always opening the doors for people and sharing my stuff with anyone who wants whatever it is, and giving my friends money when they need it, and I have a job in the physics dept on campus since my major is physics. I have 2 younger brothers and an older sister. My life sounds so perfect right? Well, growing up I was ADHD, OCD, and I had oppositional defiant disorder, I had lived in 7 different places by the time I entered the sixth grade, and even then we only stayed where my family lives now I am guessing because my parents divorced when I was in the seventh grade. My dad cheated on my mom with my, no step-mom, who is bipolar. She was even physically abusive to my sister and one of my brothers, and verbally abusicve to me and all my siblings for 3 years till my dad finally threatened to leave her if she didn't get help. She did, but she still is a horrible person (faking cancer to get sympathy from the professsors in the nursing program she is failing for example). But thats not really what this whole story is going to be about. I got to where I am because I am a very motivated person. I'm guessing the OCD had something to do with that, but the point is I have worked like crazy, and had to work on my self-discipline for years to become the person I am now. I never really questioned myself about why I cared so much. I think I was more content to just keep telling myself that Kharma would come around and help me out someday if I was a good person. So, this is where the problem comes into my life...a girl. Yes, It's one of THOSE stories. bear with me through this. She moved into the dorms where I am also living this year, and we met on the first day. Yes, she is cute, but no, I don't decide whether or not I like a girl based on just that. Trust me, I know plenty of even cuter girls who I could get easily, but I just don't feel a connection with them. (A guy who likes a girl for more than looks :O I know right?) Anyways, when I first met her I didn't really care too much. She was just another cute face back then, but since her room mate is one of my best friends, I found myself hanging around her a lot. We got along really well, and I started to kind of like her, but then I found out my room mate had a crush on her and was breaking up with his girl friend to ask her out. I'm just not the jealous type of guy, and my opinion was, "Okay, if he really likes her that much even though he's only known her for a week, then I wish him the best of luck." Well, he decided later that he didn't like her as much as he thught once he got to know her, so he never asked her out, and he told me that he didn't really have any feelings for her anymore a week later. I had still been hanging around her as a friend, and this opened the door for viewing her as more than a friend, which I hadn't considered. The problem is, I have a huge fear of rejection. Such a big fear of it that I haven't asked a girl out since I was 14 and got shot down. Pathetic, alright, I get it. It's not even a matter of self confidence though that inspired this fear. The girl who I had asked out back when I was 14 was a good friend of mine (I do friend before considering gf even) and after asking her out and geting turned down, something just changed between us. We stopped talking as much and I felt so embarred to be around her that I started trying to avoid her when I could. So, fast forwarding back to the present. This girl who I like now, once I got to know her I realized I had a lot in common with her, and a lot of what she said I found myself thinking "genius" about. Anyways, just throwing this in, but my friends and I, our little "group," will get together maybe once every three weeks or so and have a few shots together. She hasn't drank in about 7 weeks though, which happens to be right around the time when I started drinkingfor the first time. I've ony drank 3 times before, but when I do drink I really can't keep secrets worth crap. I admitted to her room mate that I had started to have a crush on her, and her room mate warned me that she had said she didn't really have a crush on anyone in the dorms. It was a depressing thing to learn, but I figured okay, I'll just move on with my life.The thing is, when I tried to forget her I think I realized that I had fallen pretty hard and not even noticed. I just kept it to myself to spare my friends from having to deal with since,